Starting again...

Well what can i say, it's been a scary, hard, exciting and very learning, long eight months and my heart is finally back where it belongs...with him.

I honestly couldn't be happier. He completes me and makes me want to be a better person.

I really do love you with all of my heart Koti Arns. 

I can't wait to marry you someday...

10-15-2011

Starting Over..

"It's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard, we're going to have to work at this every day but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me, every day." -Nicholas Sparks

Love me without fear.Trust me without wondering.Love me without restrictions.Want me without demand.Accept me how I am.

 "I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either, but please believe me, when I say that I want to be by your side, to hold your hand, to treasure you in the morning and in the noon-tide, to be next to you, to be held close to your heart now and for the rest of my living years, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears, to fight your battles and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud all over the land."

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect, you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” -Bob Marley

 

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe

All there is left to do is forgive and forget...
So I want to forgive you.
And I want to forget you.

How could somebody ever give up on something that meant SO much to them. Throwing something away that you've wanted and hoped for all your life in a split second, made me step back and realize a few things. If someone is willing to just give up everything SO easily, they aren't worth it. It tore me apart and because of that, it made me a WHOLE new person.  I'm stronger than I EVER have been and I love it. For once im finally starting to be happy with myself. I realized I have to fully love myself before I can ever love anyone else again. I pushed all of that un-happiness onto someone else and eventually pushed them away.

I've learned people have to make their own decisions even if it's not exactly what you want or what you think is best. Sometimes people have to learn on their own, meaning with out you being a part of their life. When someone really hurts me it's hard for me to forgive them. I'm not big on second chances. Alot of the time people never ever change and it's not worth it to sit around and wait for them to change. But, when someone deserves a second chance I think it's worth it to give it to them.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

I'm not sorry that it's over, but for the way we let it end..

The song of the day..

Piercing words, eyes are red
Watched your taillights in the rain
Empty heart filled with regret
I know we were both to blame

And I'm not sorry that it's over
But for the way we let it end
So I said all I had to say
In letters that I threw away

And you should know, please believe me
I've picked up the phone a thousand times
And tried to dial your number
But it's been so long, it's never easy
It's like trying to spin the world the other way
What can I say?

How did it come to this?
I think about you all the time
It's no excuse
But I wish that I never made you cry

I'm not sorry that it's over
But for the way we let it end
I couldn't find the words to say

And you should know, please believe me
I've picked up the phone a thousand times
And tried to dial your number
But it's been so long, it's never easy
It's like trying to spin the world the other way
So what can I say?
What can I say?
What can I say?

I hate to think all you had of me
(I said all I had to say)
Is a memory I left you,
Space between what was mean to be
(In letters I threw away)
And the mess that it turned into


And you should know, please believe me
I've picked up the phone a thousand times
And tried to dial your number
But it's been so long, it's never easy
It's like trying to spin the world the other way
It's like trying to spin the world the other way
What can I say?
What can I say?
What can I say?

Within the past few weeks a lot of things have changed. My relationship with my family, new friends, a new position at work, lost some good friends, my relationship status on facebook,  became closer to my best friends, learned to let go of the little things that used to bother me, tell people how I feel and try not to bottle everything up.

I never knew how good of friends your family could be and how they will be there for you no matter what.  I had never been that close to my family but, when you really need someone there for you they are there no matter when you call. 

I've definently learned to become my own best friend. Everyone always thinks you need someone else to make you happy- which you don't. You can make yourself happy by doing what you want and you always know what's best for yourself.

My Dad

He is probably one of my BEST friends and understands me more than anyone. I am definently my father's daughter. I look up to my Dad in alot of different ways. He has always been there for me; rain or shine, night or day, good and bad. The past few weeks i've grown closer to him than i have been in years. He's called me every day just to check up on me and make sure everything is okay. Makes my day when I look at my phone and see his number pop up. I have definently learned alot from him from riding horses, cooking, sticking up for myself, how to be a good hunter and of course helping me with shooting my bow. I'm SO glad I have such a good Dad and a GREAT best friend. Love ya Pops.

Mom

She is SUCH a great lady and everyone will tell you that. She's became one of my best friends and always knows what to say to make me happy. Our personalities are definently alot alike so she understands me and knows who I am. She has worked SO hard to be where she is in her life and she deserves every bit of it. I always wanted to be just like her when i grew up and yes i still do but, I just don't want to be a nurse anymore. She knows how to help me achieve my goals and yes she ALWAYS knows best. I've learned to listen to my parents because, they know what I'm going through and only want to help me.

Haydon

The BEST brother any girl could ever have. He may be younger than me but, he will ALWAYS stick up for me no matter what even if I'm in the wrong. Were eight years apart but, we are still very close. He is quite the ladies man but, has no interest in girls...not yet atleast. Hopefully it stays that way for a while. :)

My bummers

She is probably the oldest eight year old girl I know. She's the only sister i have and i love her more than anything in this entire world and yes I'm quite protective of her. She looks up to me like crazy and sometimes I'm not the best person i should be but, when I look at her and realize she's watching my every move I realize I need to better myself. There are twelve years of difference between me and her but, were still good friends. I would do anything in the world for this little girl no matter how silly it could be.